Wow. This has been one of the most difficult and emotional months of my life......so much so that I have not been able to blog or really even talk about it.....packing up and leaving a place that you so loved and became your "home" was one of the hardest and most painful things that I have ever done and I hope not to repeat the experience soon.....I feel so blessed that I understand grief and loss so well thanks to my work....otherwise I'd seriously question my mental stability.....but I know what I am going through is normal when you suffer a major loss....and people, leaving Nevis was just that.....MAJOR LOSS.....
sometimes I feel like others dont understand where I am coming from .....my friend Stacey, from Louisiana, another med wife as we call ourselves.....told me that when she returned home people didnt really understand the loss that she was experiencing, the changes and the reverse culture shock.....so she has been a wonderful source of support and encouragement for me through this time......
I came across another med wives' blog today....and it was like I wrote it......I identified with it so much so I am going to copy it for you all to read:
"I've just come away from a very bad week. The kind that changes your life FOREVER (so you know its heavy stuff)
Sometimes life sucks.....BAD
I started crying on the job.....CRYING.....ME....HELLO.....the ultimate professional.....
What can I say ? I 've been out of sorts?
I've got no juice....nothing....nothing to write......
In an effort to help me, other people try to think of someone else they know whose situation is worse or turned out great, with a beautiful ending......or reminding me of the great things that I have......
Well let me tell you folks.....THIS DOESNT HELP.....
I'm not interested in comparing crappy situations, Im not interested in those feel good, turned out great in the end stories.....they dont make me feel better, I know people are just trying to help but seriously.....STOP it.
I just want to be heard by people who love me and care about me and then hear them say wow, that really does suck, I feel so bad for you.....and in some wierd twisted way, t his helps, this validates my feelings.....Im just a woman who wants to be heard.....I dont want the solutions just yet. The problem solving conversations aren't helping.........
I think this woman broke into my private thoughts and blogged them.......this is EXACTLY how I feel.....
So for all of you out there who are going to welcome us back home, back into your lives......please....don't start with the well you were so lucky to have that experience yadda yadda, isn't it great to be home crap......JUST LISTEN.......and pray......that God brings me through it with grace and dignity.
Enough said.
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